Drug Testing Targets

With the introduction of more comprehensive drug testing looming over football now, in order to bring it into line with other sports, like athletics etc., here’s a few people who i think are bound to be high up on the tester’s list.

1. Harry Redknapp and the entire Spurs squad
The man simply can’t stop winning at the moment can he? They’ve just beaten Liverpool again, this time in the Carling Cup, and not only that, they did it in style, sticking four past the usually tight Reds defence, and conceding two goals only from Gomes errors, surprise surprise. I reckon ‘Arry must have slipped something into the water at Spurs’ training ground, because this turnaround is unbelievable.

2. Djibril Cissé
While being a pretty decent player on his day, though lacking the consistency that would have seen him live up to the hype that surrounded him as he first emerged from France, Djibril may find himself more potent on the pitch if he leaves the wacky-backy alone off the field. If anyone is wondering what evidence I have for his drug taking, I’ve got nothing as solid as a drug test, but check out the man’s various haircuts from over the years and I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s pretty convincing.

3. Marouane Fellaini
The gentle Belgian giant, who has been such a big (pun intended) hit for Everton so far this season, going some way to justifying his large (and again) price tag is another one who might be investigated by the drug testers. The lad is only 20 years old, yet stands at a whopping 194cm tall! He is still a skinny bugger though, so steroids probably ain’t the answer, maybe his Mum just fed him well as a whippersnapper.

4. Stoke fans
So sure, the drug testers won’t be after the supporters, but hey, it’s football related, and still not legal so what the hell. And if the Stoke fans are to put up with the brand of football their side is playing this season, I reckon they’ll soon resort to some fairly potent hallucinogenic substances to liven things up a bit. I’m not sure whether strong enough drugs are available en masse though, maybe they’ll simply resort to good old alcohol. Get those beer goggles on Stoke fans!

5. Rio Ferdinand
What? Surely you don’t want an explanation for this choice…? Or did you forget…?


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